the latebloomer

it’s 11 am, and im nowhere near getting started on my outline for a paper due today. but here i am blogging in friendster ’cause i just need to release my thoughts for a while.

these past few days made me realize how different assumption is from instinct. yung tipong akala mo tama hinala mo about this person and about the situation, then malalaman mo na lang na mali pala akala mo.

sometimes you get ahead of yourself and judge someone, something or some event, thinking that its your instinct that’s feeding that judgment, only to discover in the end that it was just your assumption, your bias, your weakness.

but i feel good because someone was honest enough today to slap my ego and wake me up. weird, but it feels good. it makes life really worthwhile. The beauty of being honest, direct and real, even if its awkward or painful or annoying to the bones, is that it makes you feel alive, reminds you that you have blood on your veins and a heart that aspires for something worthwhile. and your mind does not complain either. it somehow stimulates things, it makes you feel.

There, ive said it. Now, rushing a paper is a different thing. Haaay…

first of all, don’t get me wrong, im just saying how i feel about the news that Saddam has been sentenced to death.

for those who haven’t heard the news (or care about it), its not about allegations that he kept weapons of mass destruction in Iraq (the main reason why the US invaded the country and ousted his regime in 2003, remember?)

Saddam was sentenced for the 1982 killings of about 150 Iraqis belonging to the Shiite minority. In his defense, Saddam pointed out it was not a crime since the Iraqi court during that time (which he controlled) since the 150 Shiites were found to have conspired in trying to assassinate Saddam.

Reports of Saddam’s torture of Shiites and Kurds have been going for decades, and helped paint a picture of Saddam as a dictator. While his dictatorial nature is hardly contested, it came as no surprise that several pockets of Iraqi society, belonging to the Sunni majority, cried and were disappointed to the verdict, accusing the present Iraqi court as bowing to US pressure.

Critics could not help but link the death verdict to the US congressional elections, which Bush and his Republican army is losing ground because of various allegations.

The fact remains that the present Iraqi government, despite notions of democracy, is basically a US-backed regime, and it is certain that Saddam’s death sentence won’t end in a peaceful Iraq. Certainly, this will lead to more violence and more insistence by the US to keep its troops in Iraq.

When i heard the news it was not really a surprise but somehow it felt as if Saddam shouldn’t have been the first dictator to be sentenced to death. For one, dictatorial regimes remain like in Burma and militia-controlled areas in Africa. It could have been a more fair trial if it had been under an international court.

Iraq in itself has been deeply divided because of foreign intervention. The aspirations of the Iraqi people has been lost in the "war against terror" which is nothing more but the US attempt to expand its military and geopolitical influence in the world and maintain its position as the lone superpower. Reports have come out describing how most Iraqis feel less safer in their own land now than during the time of Saddam.

And coupled with other conflict areas in West Asia and Israel’s continually aggressive role, a World War III coming from this region may be unavoidable, especially since the US would want it in the first place to feed its war economy. 

this is the first blog entry im making while at the office, so i have to type this quickly.

anyway, these past days ive been imagining a world filled with flying evil spirits and some good spirits to balance it off. this exorcist priest Fr.Jose Syquia said in an article that evil spirits surround us every day, just waiting for a person with a weak soul they can possess. he even quoted padre pio (if memory serves me right) that if one can only see evil spirits, he/she would see a lot that these would darken the sky. kinda creepy at first thought.

if the film "city of angels" was based on facts, then you would really have a dark world immersed with angels in black trench coats fighting it out with evil spirits who look like those in Harry Potter 3 Prisoner of Azkaban (ano nga ba uli yung mga yun? i should be ashamed for forgetting)

i think it makes sense somehow, whenever we suddenly feel sick to our stomach, or really bad that we can hack a person to death, maybe evil spirits are surrounding us not because our souls are weak but because we are succumbing to our human limitations, the stupidity of the human race, the shallowness of human nature.

which at the same time does not make sense, since being human also means being real. and which is which now? id like to think evil spirits that possess vulnerable people are not the ones we should fear but those elementals that possess you without the usual violent signs of convulsive attacks, those that possess people in higher office or moneyed people who are blinded by their power and glory that they easily succumb to the dark side and forget who they are in the first place, as creatures of God meant to do his Will.

ive always believed in prayer though i admit im not religious. but when we talk of evil spirits, we don’t have to see an exorcism, we just have to look at society and all the injustices it keeps.

just the same, i also think good spirits are roaming around us. able to swipe off darkness with feelings of hope, joy, bliss and love. sort of the messengers that take our prayers to the One above. in other words angels.

i have to meet this professor that one of my colleagues told me about. she claims this professor can see angels, what they look like and can even talk to them. hmmm, im kinda intrigued how my angel looks like if i ever have one. and what does my angel want to tell me? that i should cut down my worries and get enough sleep perhaps.

that’s all for now. my boss is near

Can’t get over this song by Brandi Carlile, first heard it on Episode 2 of Grey’s Anatomy’s second season.

though i don’t relate to the lyrics at this point in my life, i kinda felt the song when i heard it.

It’s like the kind of song you want to say to someone, or to some people or to life in general whenever you’re at the wrong end of things.

Especially the last line, "alone is the last place i wanted to be", the fear of being deserted or left alone on your own. eventually you realize that you have go through times of pain or displeasure cause after all it will make you a better person in the end.

What Can I Say?

Look to the clock on the wall,
Hands hardly moving at all.
Can’t stand the state that I’m in
Sometimes it feels like the walls closing in

How many rules can I break
How many lies can I make
How many roads can I turn
To find me a place where the bridge doesn’t burn

O Lord, what can I say?
I am so sad since you went away
Time time ticking on me
Alone is the last place I wanted to be
Lord, what can I say?

Oh Lord, what can I say?

By the way, I was able to watch this song’s video on youtube.com (thank God for this site) and it was kinda intriguing, it shows old, torn and lost umbrellas suddenly coming into life and literally coming together to form this huge bird-like creature made of old, torn and lost umbrellas that eventually flies towards the sky. maybe sending the idea that whenever you feel torn, lost or abandoned, you can always come back to life and soar in search of your place in the sky.