the latebloomer

im now turning three weeks into my 26th year of existence. just turned 25 last August 9. until now i can’t believe that ill be 30 in five years, and five years is such a short time to traverse.

was it like five years ago when i was in my last year in college, and like everyone else in the world, gaped with disbelief when the twin towers of the WTC in New York collapsed after being hit by a terrorist-controlled plane?

and now im in my mid-20s and a few more years, ill be called not only "kuya", but "tito" or "uncle", aargh. actually, ive been an uncle for the past decade, but my nieces and nephews are still relatively young, the oldest siguro is in 2nd year college. but to think that five years from now, almost all my pamangkin will be in college or taking on jobs na, or God forbid, will be in early marriages while I, still look like i can still gatecrash freshie college parties is unthinkable at this point.

kaya minsan tawag ko sa sarili ko, peter pan. para kasing hindi ako lumalaki. for many, this should be seen as a blessing, but for me, its not. for one, i actually have lines na on my forehead, but still my built has remained the same. i try to fatten up but to no avail. im an ectomorph at the very bone. forget about the gym, are you kidding me? pwede pa siguro ako maglaro ng badminton regularly but to lift weights is unimaginable.

and like everyone in their mid-20s, napapatanong din ako kung ano na ba nagawa ko sa work ko and my personal life to warrant the image of a 25 year-old? i should at least have a basic layer of wisdom attained already, but alas, i feel like im no different from where i was five years ago. save for some few experiences that taught me some hard lessons, which i will not divulge here, basically im still a freshman-looking guy still looking at the world through rose-colored glasses at least six hours a day, the rest i eat and sleep and assume that i already know the social system being rotten and domination by a few results in the marginalization of the rest, that genuine change can only be attained by the united will and action of a people.

maybe, i have yet to live the most exciting parts of my life. and that’s enough reason to look forward in ageing. i feel that i have yet to hit my prime and that i always can be good or better in whatever i do.

the good thing about all of this is that every experience is like the first time, you absorb it and retain the good things, the lessons you learn and the ideas you get from others. i don’t think education in its every sense will end for me, even when im 50, provided that God would allow me to, i still will learn a new thing everyday even from people half my age. hopefully i can also share something to them.

then hopefully too, when the sun finally sets on me, ill be a complete person.

i totally agree with this PDI columnist who wrote in one of his columns that we are turning into a country of servants.

the only respect i have is reserved for the OFWs who endure being humiliated and abused in foreign lands just to send in dollars for their families back here, and incidentally for the country’s lagging economy as well.

what i don’t respect is our government’s penchant to deploy Filipinos abroad. the dwarf’s idea of "supermaids" smack of hypocrisy and is simply outrageous. you’re training former domestic helpers to continue being domestic helpers this time for new employers who can be no different from the ones the female migrant workers already had. instead of giving them adequate jobs in the country, the dwarf’s only prolonging the cycle of poverty and abuse many OFWs are enduring.

what i don’t respect even more is the government’s penchant to hail OFWs as the country’s new heroes when it cannot even protect them from irresponsible agencies and abusive employers. it even has the knack to play around OWWA funds when it came solely from the blood and sweat of OFWs.

there’s really nothing wrong with being a nation of servants, except the fact that we can also be a nation of leaders, of movers and shakers. but those in power are not interested in this aspect, and actually does nothing when we are already being mocked by other countries.

last night, i watched some parts of the show Sharon, where the famous singer has OFWs from Lebanon as her guests. like so many in the entertainment industry that are unaware of things going on in the lives of their fans, Sharon was appalled and look shocked to hear that getting raped, maltreated, humiliated, starved and disrespected by employers is a common story among many Filipina migrant workers.

going back to the "supermaids" plan of the dwarf, the rationale was to help OFWs avoid abuse by educating them about the culture of their employers. this is plain bullshit to begin with, because abuse is not rooted on the OFWs lack of adjustment to the culture they were forced to work within. the difference in cultures already exist but abuse exists because of exploitative relations between employer and servant, and the general exploitative conditions engendering this setup. it exists in our own country even, the interaction between a rich employer and a servant who come from among the many poor provinces in the country.

the glaring fact is, the government should not be condoning and even pushing Filipinos to work abroad knowing fully well the dangers these workers may face. what it should work is how to create adequate jobs where Filipinos can be treated with dignity. and this does not mean a casual or contractual job for a foreign company investing in the country. this means a job where the Filipino has a decent wage and has his/her rights as a worker respected because these are the only conditions where a worker can achieve his/her full potential.

im not an economist, but i believe this can only be done when we have a strong local economic base, strong local industries that can support the economy through rough seas. this is what it means to be first world, like the dwarf has so many times promised to achieve for the country, but continues to rely on OFWs, debt and portfolio investments to get by.

well if we’re a nation of servants, then definitely the dwarf is the mayor doma, the typical one that treats maids under her call as dirt and acts like a dog in heat when being praised by her employer, almost like a nympho ready to spread her legs apart when Uncle Sam wants a huge load.

for the servants of the country, the first decent and moral thing to do is to get rid of the mayor doma.

i read in an article yesterday that jim paredes has given up on the Philippines and is now enjoying his life together with his family in Australia.

i thought good for him, everyone of us has a right to pursue a better and more stable life.

but i think people should see his decision as personal, not a sign that we all should give up as well.

paredes said he was already tired of politics (like most of us), since he has been active in civil society since the Martial law days. he believed he can do something for the country. but when nothing has changed after three decades, when "nothing new is being discussed" in the country and people are getting more cynical each day, he has done what millions of other Filipinos have done before him - leave the ship before it finally sinks.

i guess the only difference is that most Filipinos leaving abroad are forced by their circumstances. when you see no adequate employment in the country and you have a government that is doing every way to pass the burden on you, you’ll really feel hopeless and dreaming more of working and living abroad.

paredes however is among a few Filipinos who have more or less led a comfortable life. his decision to give up is simply his right. what im concerned about is the attention given to it. people might think its ok to give up because even the privileged has given up. good for paredes, he’s not among those priviliged who are in power simply because they want to stay privileged even if its at the expense of the people they had sworn to serve.

ok, jim paredes has left, so what? there are still a thousand others who prefer to stay and work towards genuine change.

personally for me, its not ok to give up. coz when you give up, you’re not just giving up your stake in the country but also the stakes of millions of others still marginalized and disempowered. we always can still do something for the country.

for me, living a safe, stable and orderly environment in a foreign land is not an option when what i really wanted is to live a safe, stable and orderly life in my own country. it might not be in my lifetime, but i want to have my share in the work towards making that possible for future Filipinos, to lay the ground and the conditions for that dream to be possible. and this won’t happen when everyone of us gives up.

everybody’s going to the US, or to Canada, Singapore, Australia or somewhere in Europe because they see life there as better. everybody’s wondering why couldn’t our country be like that. firstly, these countries also have a host of problems of their own, you say of going to Australia when racism exists there and its government has a barbaric concept of democracy. you say of going to Singapore when its an authoritarian city-state to begin with.

secondly, our country could have genuinely developed had we not been under foreign control for more than three centuries. i believe the problem is still our lack of national identity and pride. we always see how good we are only if a foreign mouth has spoken it. we always see our potential when we become famous abroad.

but why look and go outside, when we can be the best that we can be in our own homeland.

giving up is not an option. coz it means the things we have been fighting against would simply continue and worsen. coz it means we are relegating ourselves to live in a land where our neighbors would never see as equals. this struggle is for a lifetime, and the more the going gets tough, the more we should get going, tough or not.

para kay kasamang Carlito,

patuloy ang aming paggampan ng gawain para sa sambayanan bagama’t iyo nang nilisan ang pakikibaka sa magulong mundo para mas mapagsilbihan ang Ama sa kanyang kaharian.

alam naming patuloy mo ring babantayan ang iyong pamilya, at nawa’y malaking puwang ang naiwan mo sa institusyon, hindi makakalimutan ang malaki mong iniambag sa napakarami nang narating ng institusyon. hanggang sa muli…

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha…

i want to laugh hard to the point of killing those in power. really.

while we languish in our tight budgets and worry about our families and our future, GMA’s camp is busy spinning lies after lies after lies.

sobrang kapalmuks na talaga ang tang-inang dwende sa malakanyang.

i can’t help it. ikaw ba naman makabasa ka na wala na tayong "fiscal crisis" kasi may surplus sa pera ang gobyerno dahil daw sa dagdag VAT at iba pang mga bagong buwis na pakulo ni Arroyo, na ang ibig sabihin may dagdag pera na to "build schools, roads, hospitals and improve services to the people" when it is very obvious naman na sa utang din mapupunta ang dagdag pondo na ito.

i mean, ba’t kailangan pang mambola ng illegitimate na regime na ito, eh halata namang bokya sila?

why cant they just simply say it like this:

"we are proud of the government’s revenue surplus this year that has narrowed down the budget deficit and has kept the country on track to its goal of overcoming the fiscal crisis and improving our economic competitiveness. through this revenue surplus, we can now assure of bigger loans and aid as we can now pay a larger part of our interest debt payments, with enough assurance to the US and international financial institutions that we will pay our principal foreign debt payments…

…the most important thing my fellow Filipinos, is that we are still active debtors in the international credit market, which means more funds for public infrastructure projects (applause from congressmen and mayors) that will benefit everyone. for the rest of our expenditures, these have to take a back seat. our public schools are doing fine anyway, we are on track to raising our elementary and high school achievement rate from 52% and 48% respectively to 53% and 49% respectively, and we have always been proud of Filipino schoolkids managing to share one tattered textbook and carry their seats over a 10-mile radius crossing ten streams and a couple of rivers…

…our government hospitals are also improving. nevermine the highly-trained doctors and nurses that are leaving the country, they are thousands of new medical and nursing school graduates to replace them. just have more patience when a nurse don’t know how to find your vein when you are simply having a blood test. and just wait for the next few years, we will improve our hospital services even more once we let in foreign corporations do hospital management themselves under GATS of the WTO…

…and of course, we are still on track in increasing our job generation. but you shouldnt expect much from the government. if you do not want to work in a factory for a P125 daily wage with almost no benefits, or work as a call center agent in the dead of the night and endure the inanities and obscenities of American clients, then work abroad! not only will you be dubbed as heroes but you’ll also enable your family to buy imported goods flooding our market and even local ones, nevermine if prices have increased by 7%…

…in the end, as long as we keep foreign investors happy, the US most especially, and not to forget our lawmakers, our country is in good hands. after all, am i not destined by heaven to be the best leader this country has ever had? do i hear, objections? (motioning a PSG to contact intelligence) then let my assistants take care of your concerns. for the rest, let us all share in the bounty of the Strong Republic!!!"

oh shut up.

for some time last year and most especially in the last few months, ive been getting a little paranoid. im imagining things like someone following me, or secretly reading my e-mails, or tapping my phone.

hindi naman sa dahil feeling ko may stalker ako (that’s the last thing ill think about) but because sobra na talaga ang panahon ngayon. the dwarf in malacañang is really getting on my skin. imaging having one’s most sacred rights as a person taken away, and in the process covered up, twisted and exploited by right-wingers.

saying anything critical of the government nowadays is tantamount to being killed by bonnet-wearing, motorcycle-riding "death squads", then having your corpse dubbed as an NPA by US-funded conservatives and hawks in the status quo.

two weeks ago, i read a tabloid column by a smug-faced pseudo-writer with the surname Batuigas about Palparan. from the title of his column i already knew his leanings. in his column, the smug-faced pseudo-writer was applauding the "heroics" of Maj.Gen Jovito Palparan, how he is seen as a hero by locals because of his effective neutralization of communists. "Mga damuhong Komunista" as Batuigas said in his words.

i could just feel the ignorance, stupidity and worthlessness of this smug-faced pseudo-writer’s opinions. hello, does he know about the countless abductions and killings that have swept (and continues to haunt) ordinary Filipinos in Southern Tagalog and Central Luzon, the very regions Palparan had covered as army general.

remember that we’re dealing with a man that has vowed "to end all protests and rallies" even if they are legitimate ones and have no connection whatsoever with the NPA. remember that we’re dealing with a man whose part of a US-sponsored conservative-hawk machinery in Arroyo’s palace that is setting the ground for an ultra-propaganda campaign bent on erasing the line between militancy, justified rebellion and terrorism.

i mean just about anyone advocating for a regime change and genuine social change is being dubbed as a "communist" these days, almost similar to the Red scare tactics in 1950s US. and being a "communist" in the government’s perspective is being a "threat to democracy" therefore a candidate justified for "neutralization" under the notorious Order of Battle lists.

the lines have been blurred, the truth has been twisted by a dwarf in malacañang and his army of ogres (who by the way made funny poses during their photo shoot with the Black Eyed Peas last week) bent on simply perpetuating themselves in power (something the opposition is also dreaming about) at the behest of Uncle Sam.

and speaking of Uncle Sam, i wonder why barely anyone is condemning the world’s lone superpower over the continuing war between Israel and Hezbollah in Lebanon. are we afraid to be anti-American anymore when we have a gazillion reasons to be?

death squads or not, we should not stop asking questions and searching for the truth. i know all of us are busy with our own personal problems and concerns and what have you, but the times call for renewed activism. we cannot be ignorant nowadays, or else before we knew it, we would be under a fucked-up constitution pulled right under our noses by the dwarf in malacañang and his army of ogres, a fucked-up constitutions that has virtually zapped our rights and make us defenseless against the whims of an illegitimate regime.

probably this is the real thing im paranoid about.

the photo was horrible. a little boy was lying lifeless beside rubbles of smashed concrete. even before i saw this picture, i was already disbelieving what ive been hearing from the news.

Israel is raining down rockets on Southern Lebanon. All because a pair of its soldiers were taken by Hezbollah guerillas and three others were killed. The exchange: the life of every innocent Lebanese caught in the crossfire.

And there’s another picture. Im not sure though if its accurate. It shows some Israeli girls writing messages on rockets to be launched towards Lebanon. and of course, these were not kind messages the girls wrote. one message says something like down Hezbollah, but generally you have the impression that Israelis themselves are unaware of the damage that their military government is causing their neighbors.

i have always believed that the only way to have peace in the Middle East is for the citizens -Israelis, Palestinians, Lebanese, among others- assert their sovereignty and their rights and say no to any foreign intervention, especially from the US. once vested interests come into play (as they have always been in history) truth is fabricated and manipulated, blood is shed and billions of dollars are paid.

the attack on Qana, a village in southern Lebanon, in which rockets fire into a residential building killing 52 people, including 27 children, was evil in its purest form. and the worst thing, its been happening in Iraq, in Afghanistan, in other war-torn areas but is not covered and manipulated by the Western media and the US government respectively.

the fact that the US is doing everything to prevent any international condemnation for Israel’s actions reeks of hypocrisy and unravels its true color of being champions of "democracy" only when it can benefit their imperialist interests.

maybe someone should send the picture of the dead Lebanese boy to Pres.Bush.

last sunday night, i fought for the TV remote just to watch the premiere episode of Philippine Idol.

and my verdict? its still too early to tell whether the RP IDOL search would have a mark of its own on Philippine TV. anyway, auditions pa lang naman. though i have to admit and im not surprised with this, that masyadong sinundan ang format ng American Idol. (i havent watched the Pop Idol search in Britain though i assume pareho din format niya generally)

ok lang naman ito dahil pinakaunang episode pa lang naman, but i was wondering ba’t kailangan pang ipakita ang mga contestants na na-reject at biglang naghahamon sa camera afterwards na pinili dapat sila, na they’ll come back with a vengeance, na nagkamali nang malaki ang mga judges, and so on…hello, so american idol naman!?

as my sister said, "di naman ganyang katatanga ang mga Pinoy?" i didn’t see the reason to show these parts except ABC-5’s assumption na nasanay na kasi ang Pinoy audience sa American Idol kaya they’re expecting the same from RP IDOL. This is not necessarily true, I cannot say for the majority but somehow the local audience wants an IDOL search they can really call their own. and for now, ito ang challenge sa mga producers, anyway nagbigay naman ng license ang Fremantle Media for ABC-5 to "adapt" the original concept to the viewing tastes ng Pinoy.

buti na lang mukhang promising ang mga talents. syempre di lahat pinakita, it seems pa nga the show didn’t air yung mga applicants na talagang magagaling, they just showed yung mga nag-stand out in terms of costume, looks, gimmick saka circumstances sa buhay.

but definitely ill follow this show, and im still excited as to how the show will unravel to the Pinoy audience.