the latebloomer

i had a wonderful wednesday night as usual. i watched mark burnett’s latest reality show "RockstarINXS" and i was just mesmerized by the remaining performances. One of the contestants even sang his own rendition of Britney’s "Baby One More Time" to true rock spirit.

I’m not familiar with INXS but i’m familiar with some of their songs. of course everyone of us have songs that we are familiar with but don’t know the band or singer behind it, it’s just that we get to hear those songs quite frequently on radio or on TV shows that we tend to disregard knowing the artist/s behind these creations…which is a bad thing pala coz i’ve realized this past few years, as an ordinary mortal trying to listen to different kinds of music that artists or musicians are gifted souls, kindred souls that express things that are already in our mind, feelings we possess, dreams we yearn to realize. through original music, we are given a gift that’s just meant to be shared with everyone.

and this is what i feel everytime i watch Rockstar on Star World. ten years ago, i was not really a rock fan, and i only began to appreciate the alternative genre when Alanis Morissette hit the music scene with her revolutionary album "Jagged Little Pill" (revolutionary because it opened up a sub-genre of artists with the ‘angst’ factor, of course im open for rebuttal).

the thing is, now i understand why many people before me and people after me are listening to different genres of rock because rock brings out something in you that you can’t express in other musical genres. i’ve always felt i belong to a diverse class of people wanting to change something in his surroundings, in himself, that rock or at least the act of listening to a rock song has been one of the ways by which you tap into that feeling - that feeling of rebellion, that feeling of just being real in every sense of the word.

i remember growing up to my brother’s rock tapes booming its music all around the house. Nirvana, Guns n’ Roses, Metallica, Black Sabbath - you get all of it. back then, i think i was just nine or ten, i said to myself that i would never ever appreciate this type of songs. but well, well, well, as the cliche goes, the only thing permanent in Gaea is change.

but don’t get mistaken, i’m not pretending here. i still look annoyingly ordinary and still act the same way, but what the heck, looks are deceiving. all i know, i love this kind of music.

actually, i think the seed of my appreciation has already been there when i was ten, lying on my parents bed waking up from a wonderful dream i couldn’t remember (i just knew it was wonderful) and waking up to the hum of the rock song "Patience" (i forgot whose band sang it) and suddenly feeling very good about the whole thing.

back on the show Rockstar, one of my bets, Canada-based Deanna Johnson sang Bonnie Raitt’s rock classic "I Can’t Make you Love Me". host Brooke Burke said it’s one of her all-time favorite songs. well, me too. why? maybe that should be for another blog entry.

For those out there who’ve had quite long relationships, i wanna ask something:

is being too comfortable about the relationship (read: being kampante or complacent) a bad thing?

FYI muna, di po ito tungkol sa sarili ko, im single po and free like a bird (hehe), but about a friend of mine, syempre ‘pag nabasa niya ito, alam niyang siya ang tinutukoy ko, hehe.

i mean, di pa dapat lang naman na ‘pag matagal na ang isang relasyon ay may increased efforts na ang both partners to add something new or exciting to their relationship, make it grow and reach new heights ika nga. kasi otherwise, magiging stagnant ang relasyon.

but what if only one partner makes that effort, what do you think he/she must do? what do you do with a partner na masyadong nakababad sa present, na walang awareness sa future (read: walang plans sa buhay)?

and how you do you avoid becoming like one kapag nasa isang relasyon ka na?

ba’t kaya ang sarap mag-puyat no? yung inaantok ka na ng mga 11 pm pero masyadong malakas ang lure ng staying past 12 watching TV or, most especially reading a book. at the same time, though di ako morning person, gusto ko rin yung feeling ng nagigising nang maaga, kasi rare na lang siya mangyari sa akin, haha.

parang ambilis tuloy ng panahon, mid-August na tapos Ber-months na tapos Pasko na naman.

haay, sana manalo ako sa raffle

With due respect, Sec. Mike Defensor, but are you stupid?

What in the world were you thinking? You told reporters that you’ve found evidence, based on an "American expert", that the Hello Garci tape was a fake, that the voice that was supposedly of PGMAs was engineered and manipulated to sound like PGMA. And then you added that had you and the rest of PGMA’s staff known that the tape was fake, you wouldn’t have encouraged PGMA to issue an apology for talking to a Comelec official during the elections.

What do you think of us, fools?! The point is why would you declare, even suggest the idea, that the Hello Garci tape was fake when PGMA had admitted that hers was the voice in the tape talking to Commissioner Garcillano? Even an eight-year old child would see the contradiction.

Maybe Sec. Defensor you should learn to shut up sometimes…for the sake of the country. This has not been the first time you had look like a FOOL while trying to defend PGMA. Mas lalo tuloy tumataas ang stocks ni Rep. "Cheez" Escudero.

I mean, you should have your speeches prepared and edited by at least 10 spin doctors. You yourself has become an embarassment for PGMA, the UP system where you graduated and to your parents.

Seriously, Sec. Defensor, you don’t expect to run for a higher position in 2008 and win do you, with what you’ve been saying in recent weeks? Well, Filipinos are forgetful people naman, so you still have a chance. You can join showbiz if you want, but then again, there are already a lot of idiotic politico-stars. Not even your sweet, darling face can compete with the rest of them.

Well, bukas i’ll celebrate my 24th bday though di ko pa alam in what way. Kanina sa katangahan ko, napa-oo ako when my boss asked me kung sasama ba ako sa mga mag-oovertime bukas. syempre nakalimutan ko bday ko pala, so nag-oo ako.

I’m gonna turn 24 in the middle of deadlines at work, and in the middle of problems with sleep, with myself, with my lost cel, and with other matters. add of course mga problems ng bansa natin, and the stress of everyday living in Manila.

but through it all, i still have a reason to celebrate. I am happy I am going to reach 24, completing a year of struggle and being, and excited for another year of improving myself,fighting myself, being myself - and most importantly, being there for others.

i just hope for the next six months ay magawa ko na ang mga plans ko, which includes tadaa— cleaning my desk, cleaning my room, cleaning our dish dispenser, etc.

ayun…basta masaya ako

the day started as usual. i woke up late, took a bath like i have all the time, and dressed up like i just had an operation. i arrived past 11 pm na sa work and was expecting another yawning day in front of the computer, when i heard one of our department heads tell my boss, "patay na si Roco"…

…what? tama ba ang narinig ko. Si Raul Roco ay yumao na. And then it was confirmed, I heard from the news, he died of cancer (im not sure if it was prostate), but it turned out he was diagnosed with the disease mga 15 years ago, if im not mistaken.

then the trapos made themselves heard as expected after the terrible news. Roco’s opponents in last year’s elections one by one offered their condolencies and hurried eulogies for a man they almost came short of throwing mud at the past 24 months.

but i agree with what they say na malaking kawalan sa pulitika ang pagyao ni Raul Roco. He’s still relatively young, and could have made a lot more things for the youth, women and the rest of the marginalized folks of the republic.

he could have been the president, had FPJ not run and PGMA not cheated the elections. i mean five months before the elections, our survey said so that he was the top choice of Filipinos had the elections been scheduled December 2003.

haaay, syempre ininterview si Eddie Gil, na nagsabing babae daw ang susunod na mamamatay na tumakbo sa nakaraang eleksyon. obviously si PGMA yun, ewan ko…pwede ba silang magsabay? hehe, knock on wood joke.

so Roco is gone, and things in the political arena are not getting any better.

sounds like we’re all in for a rougher, tougher ride than we expected.

hehehehe…ewan ko ba…ang life napaka-bittersweet…

or should i say, ma-ala-roller-coaster…next thing you know you have to make a Plan D…

last night, i’ve never thought na mangyayari sa akin ang nangyari probably to a hundred other souls in the metropolis — someone stole my cel.

well, i should have known better that sooner or later may makakaamoy na pinaghirapan kong bilhin ang dala-dala kong cel day in and day out…it’s not that i was irresponsible or stupid for letting it happen, but it happened and at the very least, i’m now aware kung paano ang madukutan at mawalan ng isang bagay na mahalaga sa araw-araw mong buhay.

well the facts: i was on my way home from work, so usual, bumaba ako sa seattle, cubao and then rode a Fairview jeep going through the Kamuning-EDSA-Timog-East Ave route. Bandang E-Rod or Kamuning, may sumakay na dalawang manong. Matanda na, mukha ngang mga unyonista eh, mga respetadong manggagawa ng bayan, kaya di mo iisipin na mandurukot. Yung malaking lalaki tumabi sa akin, at yung isang bigotilyo at may dalang malaking bag ay sa kabilang side, katabi ang isang nursing student na babae na karahap ko.

eh si manong drayber may balak pa lang gawing fully-loaded ang dyip niya, kaya nagpasakay nang nagpasakay. nang dumaan ang dyip sa may scout de guia paglagpas ng QC High School, may bumabang pasahero sa side ko at may sumakay naman na dalawang lalaking estudyante. biglang umurong ang malaking lalaki at lumipat sa tabi ko ang bigotilyong may dalang malaking bag.

sumwer in timog, nung malapit na ang dyip sa EDSA, naramdaman ko na yung bigotilyong manong na gumigitgit sa akin. by the time na nakatawid na ang dyip and nasa east ave na, i lifted my bag and put it vertically sa lap ko dahil napapatungan na siya ng bag ng manong. ang ginawa niya, lalo siyang gumitgit until nasa right lap ko na ang half ng bag at may nararamdaman na ko.

at first, naisip ko ang tanga naman ni manong, masyadong obvious. syempre gusto ko nang bumaba nung EDSA pa lang, kaso nung nasa V.Luna na ang dyip, nag-dalawang isip ako, i’ve got a strong feeling na susundan niya ako kung bigla akong bumaba.

i decided na bumaba na lang sa city hall, thinking naisahan ko yung manong. nakita ko kasi less than half lang ng baba ng knapsack ko ang na-slashed. when i got home, dun ko na-realize na tagos hanggang loob ang slash mark, tagos hanggang sa clutch bag ko nasa loob ng knapsack ko, na nasa ilalim ng mga pinamili kong grocery. parang caterpillar na tumagos sa mais, it easily found it way to the cel that i have worked hard for to buy from my officemate.

so forget na the texts, forget na the captured pictures, forget na the downloaded images, forget na the ringtones, forget na ang naka-saved kong weekly lists ng mga favorite songs (which i have planned to tally by the end of the year), forget na ang lahat ng may connection sa cel ko —

0f course, masakit, malungkot, parang naisahan ka talaga na nawalan ka ng pinaghirapan mo —

pero you know what, thinking it back, it was one of those situations where you really couldn’t do anything. i realized na once you’ve been chosen and once naka-headway na ang mandurukot, it’s just down to a choice between your life and your property - self-preservation ng buhay mo, and self-preservation ng pag-aari mo.

kanina while nasa office ako, i was thinking what if talagang niyakap ko ang bag ko and i let my right hand guard the front and lower part of my bag, would it have made a difference? naisip ko rin, if the thief was determined enough and it had made a headway, his little cutter could soon found its way on my flesh, if i’m guarding my bag.

naisip ko na lang, baka talagang destined ang cel ko to be used by someone else.

still, you’re afraid of that feeling of helplessness and dread and the bad sense that you’ve been marked, and it might happen again. aargh, knock on wood, wag naman sana.

well, the good thing about this experience is, at least kapag naka-ipon na ako, i can have a new model na, a unit that’s really my own, a unit na iniluwal ko sa daigdig

and when that time comes, sure to hell i’ll guard it like an extremely jealous boyfriend…